So these are just my random thoughts, late at night, and on cough syrup... If the offend or upset anyone, I really do apologize, but I just need somewhere to write my thoughts out...
So it's been almost a year since Dustin and I got married and I am loving every minute of it. He and I were definately meant to be together. I know I don't follow all the Words of Wisdom and I try my hardest to follow the Commandments and the Golden Rule, but I feel I'm a good person, Dustin too. In January we'll be together three years and we both feel like we are at a good point in our lives to try for a baby... No luck yet... My body is being crazy and I don't know what to do about it. I'm so worried that I might not be able to get pregnant and I love all the pregnant women around me, but I'm so jealous. I know that's bad and it's really shallow of me, but we've been trying for nine months, but no luck. I know there are other people trying and they've been trying longer than us, but then I just feel worse. Then it makes it worse when every time I go to my in-laws house or Dustin's grandparents, the first thing that is said to me is, "Why aren't you pregnant yet?" I know it's not meant to make me or us feel bad, but how do you answer that? "No." "Why not?" "Uh... I'm overweight?" Like honestly, what is the appropriate answer? I don't want to say, "Because we aren't and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop asking." That's just rude. I just feel like I'm making all the pregnant people feel bad and all the people who are struggling, like us, more sad or angry. Is it punishment for sins in my past? And I'm sick of being asked weekly at work if I'm pregnant. It was funny for the first two or three times, but after seven months of it, I'm sick of it. Ugh... Now I feel even crappier. Sorry if I made anyone feel bad, I'm just a jumble of randomness and it sucks. I need to stop watching all those pregnancy shows on Discovery Health Channel... Maybe its a good thing that Orpha the Whale is taking over that channel... randomness...
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3 comments:
Don't feel bad and don't worry about offending people! That's what blogs are for!!! It's perfectly fine and normal to have those feelings! I'm sorry that it's been so frustrating! Sometimes I think that being under pressure to have a baby by the people around you makes it harder to get pregnant!
I don't think it has anything to do with your weight. People that struggle and don't ovulate because of their weight are usually really overweight!! Which you definitely aren't!!! You know, it can be random things that you're eating and not realizing are making it more difficult to get pregnant. For example, my friend drank tons of milk every day and could never get pregnant and she stopped drinking milk and her periods regulated and she got pregnant! The hormones from the milk were throwing off hers. Not to say it's going to be the same for everyone because everyone's chemistry is different, but you could always try something like that. Maybe making small changes in your diet. Who knows!
I know it can be hard, but you really can't blame yourself. Heavy smokers get pregnant all the time and they smoke the whole pregnancy. God isn't punishing them (although I wish smoking made you sterile while you do it so that women couldn't smoke during pregnancy! Because it's SO bad for the baby!!!). Just keep your head up! There are so many infertility options these days! Try not to get too discouraged!
(((((hugs)))))) I love you! And know how you feel. If you ever want to talk about it - please feel free to call. And don't feel bad - there are others who have tried longer, but that doesn't make the pain of wanting something you don't yet have any easier or any lessened. Take heart in knowing - you are not alone in these feelings.....
I love you Amanda! I know how you feel, and I know it's frustrating to hear, but it will happen on God's time! No matter how badly you want it, and no matter how hard you try, He ultimately has control. When you do get pregnant, you'll look back and realize there were times that you're thankful you weren't pregnant because of one reason or another. Don't let other people get to you!
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